The Vertigo of Freedom (And a message from my future self)

Starting over is terrifying.

When I decided to bring back this newsletter and commit to writing consistently, I felt a terrible sense of vertigo. I looked ahead, saw the long road in front of me, but was paralyzed by one reality: I don’t have my true north 100% figured out.
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​Then I paused for a month.

I don’t know exactly where I am going. And a lack of direction is scary.

The truth is, I have always loved writing; it feels like the most direct access to my own mind. But I am also lazy. I know that to build a beautiful newsletter that actually connects with people, I have to go through the ugly phase. The fear phase. I have to stand knee-deep in the mud and do the dirty work.

But there is a quote from Rumi that has been playing on loop in my head:

Today, I want to talk about the art of starting over, how to deal with the anxiety of having too many options, and the bizarre (but liberating) message I received from my future self.

The Catalyst: Time is not linear

I have been writing almost daily for a month now. Recently, I watched the movie Arrival and listened to a Joe Rogan podcast featuring scientist Julia Mossbridge (I highly recommend it).

Mossbridge studies something fascinating: the idea that time is infinite and non-linear, and that our minds can actually access it. She analyzes studies on telepathy and how the human body often reacts to future events before they even happen (precognitive dreams, deep intuition).

This sent me down a massive rabbit hole. I started reflecting, and in a moment of absolute clarity, I realized something crazy: the intuitive voice that answers me when I write isn’t just a random thought. It is my future Nano.

Literally, this is what my future self wrote in my notes:

The Mental Model: The Vertigo and the Cave

That revelation led me to dive into philosophy to better understand my own purpose (Telos). I realized that the anxiety I felt about not having a perfect plan wasn’t the fear of failure. It was what philosopher Søren Kierkegaard called “The Vertigo of Freedom.” When you look into an abyss, the vertigo isn’t just the fear of falling; it is the terrifying realization that you have the choice to jump. Having infinite options (in business, in life, in relationships) causes anxiety because the responsibility of choosing is 100% yours.

Through this philosophical deep dive, I arrived at three fundamental frameworks for navigating this vertigo and finding direction:

1. Leaving the Cave (The Myth of Consumerism) Society constantly dangles “shiny objects” in front of us. It is the modern-day Plato’s Cave. We think that chasing status or the next purchase will make us free. But true freedom is the absolute ownership of your time. It is refusing to surrender your attention to things (or algorithms) that add zero meaning to your life.

2. Purpose isn’t found; it’s built Viktor Frankl survived the Holocaust and left us with a vital lesson: you don’t ask life what your purpose is. Life asks you that question every single day. Purpose (Telos) is built through action—by taking care of your health (training, eating well), treating yourself with grace, and deepening your human relationships.

3. The Dichotomy of Control You cannot save everyone from the cave. Everyone has their own timing. If you try to force them to see the light, you will only end up frustrated. The only ethical way to teach is through “Indirect Communication”: stop giving advice and simply become the example. Be the living proof that the air is better outside the cave.

The Bottom Line

You do not need to have the entire map mapped out to take the first step. Perfectionism and the need to have a “clear north” are just elegant excuses your mind creates to avoid doing the dirty work.

Do the dirty work. Embrace the ugly phase. Start walking.

If you ever feel lost or anxious in the face of infinite options, remember the message from my future self: Just live. It never stops getting better.

What do you think your future self would tell you if you sat down to write to them today? Reply to this email; I would love to read it.

Optimize the system. Enjoy the ride.

Nano Grijalba